Thursday, August 30, 2012
Concrete and Angels
Today has been such a difficult day. We are just a day or so from the one month ago burning of the farmhouse. I have, with great frustration, dealt with being overextended financially to demolish the house, dealt with an adjuster that I feel is trying to avoid payment, and have spent many days trying to control emotions that range from sadness and grief, to hope and gratitude.
I went to my quilt group this morning and experienced their kindness and support, but when my sister thoughtfully shared some pictures of the farm in its sweetness and peace, I broke into tears.
And then, I went to the farm to see the completion of the demolition. There is nothing more final than seeing the foundation of a building that lies in the dumpster just yards away. It isn’t nearly as interesting as an archeological dig. Strangely, it was hard to connect the concrete with the memory in my head that held a family, a house, and experiences by the hundreds.
So, what does one do in such circumstances? Well, I took some pictures, and then I cried a little, and then I had a little talk with God. He assured me that he was watching over my farm and that the trees would grow back. In fact, plants were coming up everywhere. Even the asparagus sent up shoots in its confusion. And he assured me that he would be with me as I made the decisions necessary for the next few months.
My bluebirds swooped across the grasses. I heard the quail as they called for the covey to congregate. And then I got in my car and came back to the city with plans in my head and the quiet certainty that God was going to walk with me very closely for a while.
Never, never, think you are alone in your conflicts. Sometimes the message God sends is sent through others. Accept every embrace as if it came from an angel.